You know the feeling when you squeeze into the hottest pair of jeans you own because you are going to the trendy restaurant to have drinks you can’t pronounce out of a hollowed out pineapple, and you want to look like you’re normally this stylish on a typical Tuesday evening? And you know the feeling when you realize you haven’t put on these jeans in years but you’re putting on pounds by the day.
And the last set of tapas just made your stomach roll another inch over your constricting waistband . You become so uncomfortable from the building pressure.
And the last set of tapas just made your stomach roll another inch over your constricting waistband . You become so uncomfortable from the building pressure.
And then you realize how lucky you are long, baggy shirts are in and you can actually unbutton your jeans and no body will notice? The relief is instantaneous and you can go right back to those crabcakes covered in mayo. Oh, you don’t do that? Oh, well… me neither. But if I did, THAT would be the best analogy to the pressure release I felt the other week from some news we received.
Three years ago, I was sitting at a restaurant with my parents. On the opposite side of the booth their smiles turned serious and they said “We are tired of waiting for you two to grow up and decide to give us a grandchild. We have a trip to China in December and we are planning on adopting our own grandchildren which we will give to you. Merry Christmas and get ready.” (There was some internet searching of embassy consulates and adoption laws just to verify that this was infact illegal).
The pressure has only escalated since that day.
It’s not that we haven’t thought of taking the leap into parenthood. After a few years of settling into our home, building careers, it seems like a natural step. The comfortable, evening conversation on the couch usually goes something like this:
Rose: You know, now that its been a few years and we like our job and house we should probably figure out if we are going to have kids.
John: Yeah….you’re probably right…I mean the older we get, the greater chance of a kid coming out with two heads and no arms right?
Rose: It’s scientifically proven.
John: Oh look Super Troopers is on.
Rose: Oh I love that movie!....
John: Wow, there’s a lot of swearing in here….you probably couldn’t watch this with a kid around.
Rose: Yeah… and you know how we give people bad looks when they bring their kid to Wildfire and the kid’s cheerio-screaming fit makes our fancy steak taste like a ground chuck? We’d have to give that look to ourselves…..
John: We wouldn’t be able to sleep until 10 am…..
Rose: Not even on the weekends?
John: I like being able to just take off and go on trips when we want to….
Rose: I sometimes enjoy saying the “s” word!
John: I can’t pretend I don’t eat brownies for breakfast!!!
Rose: I don’t want to wear mom jeans!!!!!
John: I don’t want you to wear mom jeans!!!!
Rose: I can't be a protesting hemp lady who likes to pull her boobs out in front of Macy’s for feeding only to prove a point!
John: I WANT TO BE ABLE TO WATCH SUPERTROOPERS AND NOT HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE DUSGUSTED BY THE CONTENT!!!!
Rose and John: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
….And we each end up in separate corners of the living room, rocking back and forth in the fetal position.
Although we like the things above, we are responsible people and it is a statistical fact that watching Teen Mom does more to prevent pregnancies in 30 year olds than in teenagers ages 15-19.
But recently, this weight has been lifted off of our shoulders. No, this isn’t our ultrasound. But my brother and his wife have a little growing baby just like this (ipod included). And we are SO excited for them.
But not as excited as the new grandparent. To them, Mark and Jo have become the Sanjaya of Idol Season 6: they are now the most loved and popular of the children, even if they haven’t yet shown any skills in this category.
In one instant, the rose colored glasses came on and everything changed: Nevermind the arrest records for gambling on the high school roof at midnight….money management will be an important skill to teach this child. And climbing construction site booms at 2am? A skill that now can be used to coach junior on the safest way up the jungle gym. Nevermind forgoing the dentist or flossing for the last 5 years,that does not mean Mark won’t change a baby’s diaper with a little more consistency.
A mother’s embarrassment and guilt for her son being awarded with “beer pong championships” and “best discreet pee’er in public places” faded as the test strip smiley face darkened. They had given them the thing they had been wanting for years, a grandchild.
I kid, I kid Mark and Jo, you will be awesome parents and we will be happy to watch your child any time. And he will always come home with some super sweet quotes from Super Troopers.
