Farewell Southern Oaks (an ode to apartment living)

Ahhh! I made you look at my blog! You probably clicked on it because you thought it was about a baby or something. Sorry I fooled you.  It's actually just as interesting though, because it's about our apartment.
We close on our house next week so I thought I would write an official goodbye prose to the good times we've had at our temporary, spider-filled housing.

Farewell pretty blue pool,
Your water sparkled in the sun.
reading on your deck was  cool
until Honey Boo-Boo did cannonballs of fun.

Then it was just cold. and wet.
(One Honey Boo-Boo always refused to take off her sandals before getting in as she was afraid without them, her feet would get too cold in the water)

Farewell creepy neighbor with yellow toenails,
your pacing outside and continuous cigarette,
How you can mumble and smoke at the same time
is a feat I have yet to get.

(Everyone I sent his fuzzy picture taken through my hair to in case I was murdered, can delete it next Friday. I survived!)

Goodbye sweet apartment so nice and cozy,
it was fun for us to be so close. 
The only time you seemed too small,
is when the spider family took over, named rabida lycose.

(You can't be the size of a quarter and called a lycosa rabida WITHOUT having me think your are poisonous and squashing you into a piece of tar with my shoe)

And to our upstairs neighbor, 
At 5 AM, no one should shout "oh lordy"
we are glad you found your soulmate
but your bed needs some WD40.

(5 am!?!?!? 5 am!?!?!? Either someone works night shift or these are teenagers who are NOT within the age requirement for renting).


Farewell cool couple in 8013
you had the deck'o' fun.
Dartboards, posters and ski ball
a basement size cooler, 4 beer taps in one.

I walked by longingly everyday,
my condition didn't allow me to partake.
Then once I saw you outside, 
no teeth no bra and leather skin that had baked.

(I no longer felt bad and it made me rethink the ramifications of a deck'o'fun.)


And farewell front desk LaTonya,
you had such amazing concentration.
I could stand in your personal space for whole 8 minutes, 
before you'd look up and say "what" with no elation.

(To get her attention I actually tried to compress my throat and breathe heavy with my mouth gaping wide open....I suppose that makes me as creepy as toenail guy.)

And let's not quit there LaTonya....

It totally makes sense
 you were too busy
to write a receipt 
for my relo company

I sometimes don't have time to open my eyes 
when I want to see
to take the wrapper off my straw 
or wipe when I pee.

(Yes, that is how long it would've taken you).

When I proof read this I had to laugh at the things we talk about that we would've never noticed last time we lived in apartments when we would've come home at 3am to take beers to creepy tonails, before heading to the after party on the deck'o'fun and topping off the night by high fiving the upstairs couple on their 5am job well done were younger.